Why We Hurt
When speaking to men about their role in abortion, it is important to remember that there is no mold that fits every abortion experience. We all come with many and varied sets of circumstances that may have led up to the abortion. We may have thought we were supporting her by standing by her. Perhaps even taking her to the clinic. We may have pressured her to have the abortion, even though she did not want to. We might have abandoned her to make the decision on her own. Some of us may have tried to stop her unsuccessfully, while others may not even have known about the abortion until after it was too late.

With this in mind, I share my own story with you. My confusion and delay, my silence and my absence all played a part in the decision of abortion. As a youth, I believed I was my own person, in control of myself - invincible. Thinking I had it all together, I began to go out with a girl, who was looking for love and attention. As we continued to see each other, we were influenced by the distorted images and messages of sexuality that surrounded us. In our immaturity, we were choosing to engage in sexual activity and living in a sinful relationship. We both had incomplete and erroneous views of how to relate to one another. Outside of God's truth, we were living our lives for self-gratification. All the while, I was confidently resting in the belief that I was in control of things. Then she was pregnant.

What did I do? How could this have happened to us? I was angry, confused, afraid, not knowing where to turn or who to talk to. My control was now seriously challenged. I was upset and blamed myself for allowing her to be in this position. As I continued to sort out my thoughts and feelings, I eventually reached out to friends, only to find that they did not understand. They offered no real help. We were too ashamed to talk with our parents. In my stubborness, I thought that I could still figure this out. I could fix it somehow. I tried to stay in control, and it was emotionally and physically overwhelming. I simply took too long trying to figure everything out, and when her parents found out she was pregnant, suddenly there was no more baby. . . they felt abortion was the only way.

A baby boy lost his life before he was even born.

It was primarily due to the lack of strength and courage on my part that he is not alive today. Looking back I see that I was not firmly grounded in truth and not faithful enough to do the right thing for the both of them. I was brought me to my knees and realized that I needed a Savior. Shortly afterward, I began to seek him and ask some real hard questions. Was there really a God? And if so, what did that mean for my life? The Lord heard my questions and drew me into a relationship with him that has changed my life forever. In the light of Christ's love, I now had the courage to face my sins honestly, change my life; and follow him. While I still can struggle over the reality that I have failed, over the years I have been blessed to find that God’s Grace abounds always, and restores and heals those who are wounded. … Coming before God and asking forgiveness for my role has freed me and brought healing to the wounds of abortion. I received with great joy the words of Christ, “Your sins, and I know they are many are forgiven. Go forth and sin no more."

As a man, being made in the image and likeness of God, we were created to protect women and children, to provide for them, not only for their physical needs, but for their spiritual and emotional needs as well. Their purity is a crowning gift that God has given to them, and we are entrusted with the important role of safeguarding this treasure. God has given us special responsibilities for our children too. We must provide a safe place of love in which they can learn and grow, to lead and to guide them, and to love and protect them. When we fail to protect and provide for those who are in our care, we can easily feel like a failure. We have broken away from the truth of who God created us to be.

My prayer for all of us is that we make our homes places of comfort and refuge. A place of joy and of peace. A place where faith is the foundation and truth is the freedom. A place where our children can grow in holiness and dependence on God and where they can learn a complete respect for the dignity of human life. It is in the family and homes that we first experience the joy of life. May our homes be a place where strength and courage abound, a place of complete forgiveness and love. In forgiveness there is love and in love there is healing and with healing there is always hope.

May you live on in that hope.